Taking a Break

Tomorrow is my hardest final.  I am sitting with A's currently in all my classes.  I have already taken 2 finals, which I think left me still with A's.  Tomorrow's final, like I said, will be the hardest.  Luckily, I had today off completely to study.  I just finished my first review of the material.  I am going to test myself with quizzes before I go to bed tonight.  Then I will get up early tomorrow and review one more time before the test.  Friday's final isn't the hardest, but it is the class that I am not sitting so pretty.  I currently have a 91.7%.  Low A.  Rough spot to be in.  I am hopeful and prayerful that I will be able to keep my A. 

I am taking a break right now because my head is tired.  My eyes are tired.  I am hungry.  And, quite frankly, I am bored.  I have been studying about penicillins, anti-cancer drugs, tetracyclines, and dietary supplements all day.  They can only be exciting for so long before they become monotonous. 

OOO, I got a new phone today.  It's smart.  Too bad I am not smart enough to use it yet.

Testing

Let me start by saying that I LOVE pharmacy school.  However, I do not love taking tests.  Well, that isn't necessarily true.  I enjoy tests when I really do well on them.  I love taking a test knowing that I know the material.  What I don't like, is knowing that I know the material and showing up at the test only to find out that 10% of the questions on the test have nothing to do with the 50 hours of studying I have put in.  Automatic B.  What is even worse, is that it was worth 25% of my entire semester's grade.  =(

Moxi to the Max

I have a new favorite word. . . moxifloxacin.  It is pronounced mahxi flahcks' ah sin.  It just rolls off the tongue.  Somehow it conjures up memories of Floppsy, Moppsy, and Cottontail.  If you are interest in what moxifloxacin is, it is a broad spectrum fluoroquinolone antibiotic.  If Ciprofloxacin is called Cipro, then I would imagine that Moxifloxacin would be called Moxi.  Moxi seems kind of like a sexy word.  "That is soooo Moxy."  Wow this word is so much fun. . . maaaaahhhhhhxxxxi.

Whew!

Oh good, my next assigned chapter to read (tonight) is on diarrhea.  That should solve the problem.

Seriously????

I am reading about constipation. . . guess what?

Which one?

On my last 2 tests I have received a 93.5% and 92% respectively.  These are both As  and I should be thrilled.  However, the two tests before that I got 100% on each.  Am I slipping?

Sugar

I am studying about diabetes today.  This subject is near and dear to my heart.  I have learned a lot about it over the years, having a diabetic husband.  So while studying about hypoglycemia, a side effect of insulin, I had to list some sample foods to give to someone who is experiencing hypoglycemia.  Let's see, there is milk, fruit juice, soft drinks, sugar, raisings, hard candies, skittles. . . . wait, skittles are kind of like gummy bears.  There is a bag of gummy bears in this room.  I gotta have some gummy bears. 

Tomorrow we get to test our blood sugars.  I am going to bring a zip lock back of gummy bears just in case I experience hypoglycemia. 

On a side note.  I do not have diabetes.  Most of the other things in this book I tend to identify with.  Not this one.  I am blessed.

Whew!

I think the bugs are gone.  It took weeks of the bug man.  Hundreds of dollars of over the counter bug measures.  My legs are probably scarred for life.  But finally, we are free of the pesky little buggers.

On to other important matters.  I am studying to be a pharmacist.  We have to learn about all sorts of medical conditions.  So we have started with insomnia.  I learned that insomniacs are those people who have trouble going to sleep, people don't sleep for long periods of time, people who wake up early in the morning and can't go back to sleep, and a couple of other definitions.  Now, I have always thought that I was an excellent sleeper.  I could fall asleep at 9:00, 9:30 PM, etc.  But I do wake up sometimes very early in the morning (4:30 am) and am unable to go back to sleep.  I just thought I was lucky.  Now I realize, I am an insomniac. . .(being that it is currently 3:02 AM, that might go without being said).

Our next subject was fatigue.  Aren't we all fatigued?  Want to know what the "cure" is for fatigue besides get sleep? You might have guessed, caffeine. 

Then we studied about headaches.  From previous posts, it is obvious I get migraines.  I didn't learn in my books how to get rid of them.  Just that, yes, I do have them, and I have already tried all the remedies. 

Next week, I study MSIDs.  What the heck is that?  I tried Googling it, without luck.  But I am sure, whatever it is, I have the symptoms. 

My Very Own Holy Bug(s) from Hell

We sprayed our lawn outside.  We had a professional come and do it.  We didn't want bugs in the lawn because we were having a party.  Yay!  No bugs at the party!

Day 9 after the party.  ALL the bugs have moved into the house.  They have infested the bedrooms.  I have had the same professional come and re-spray in the inside of the house to get rid of the bugs.  They are everywhere.  My ankles are swollen masses of bug bites.  I called the bug guy back.  He says it takes a week for them to die. 

I may die first. . . .

Update

I am stillllllllll melting.

But it has been a fun few weeks.  I have had complete ups and complete downs.  I feel like my life is bi-polar.  Not me, my life.  The wedding was a smashing hit.  Clayton and Melanie are perfectly cute and cuddly.  My two new housemates are wonderful and the best fit I could have asked for.  While I haven't actually started school, I am in my week long orientation. 

Today we had a scavenger hunt.  Eighteen teams completed.  We had two weeks to finish the hunt.  We had to take pictures of our team in front of the Jelly Belly Factory, the Three Stages Theater, the Sacramento Aquatic Center, the Capitol building, and Old Sacramento.  The first team to get all pictures in to the registrar get $75.  Yep, you guessed it, we won.  Go Team 2 - Dos Equis Y.

I also re-opened my facebook account. I hate facebook  But I am doing it because of my school.  There are some networking things that they do on facebook, so I will do that.  I cleared most of the people off my friends list.  I kept only family and adult Galena people.  I will also add my pharmacy people.  I will probably get hooked into Linkedin also. 

Paul has been doing better.  He seems to be faring well while I am at school.  He even started working on music today.  Woohoo!  Oh, and I already memorized the first 15 of the 100 top medications and their generic names.  I want to do 15 a day. 

Life is good.

They must have been wrong!

Seriously,  I feel like I am dying of heat.  I wake up feeling like I am in a toaster.  I walk around the house half nekked.  I cannot get cool.  This is not a hot flash, people.  I am melting, 24/7! 

Success and a few other things

I am not handy with computer upgrades, drivers, additions, etc.  In fact,  suck at them, and am always ruining things.  Today we decided that we were going to finally add our extender wireless device.  This is a pretty cool device because if you connect your printer to it, you can print wirelessly to a printer that isn't wireless.  If that makes sense. . .  Before we even get started, we are confused.  So we call Apple.  Apple has great customer service.  The problem just lies in the fact that everything we try to do is more confusing that our feeble minds are able to attempt.  But we got through it.  Next, we had to then download the driver information onto the computer.  I was sure, since my past experience has shown this to be true, that we would not be able to get this driver installed correctly.  So Paul took my computer, and within seconds, he had printed wirelessly from my computer.  It's like my wonderful Apple computer knew what I wanted to do, and that I might melt down permanently if it didn't work.  My Apple loves me.  I love my Apple.

Other news, the transplant is definitely postponed.  I feel so bad for Frank. 

Postponed?

It looks like the kidney recipient may not be ready yet for my kidney.  This is distressing to me because I have planned out my next month depending on the surgery.  At the same time, I am a little relieved because Paul needs me so much.

I did find out that I don't have breast cancer.  That's a good thing.  I don't know if I have to do an echocardiogram though.

This hiccup in the road means that the next time I am available for the transplant is December. 

Desperate for my airplane medicine

I got a little bit of bad news last night.  It involved a tax question that may hamper the rest of my year.  I am not even sure who to ask and get the answer I want.  My accountant brought it up, but I think he might be wrong.  But I can't ask the plan administrator.  They hate me, and will do anything to make sure I am screwed. 

So as mulled these things in my head and unable to sleep, I took a Xanax.  Ah, sweet bliss, and who frickin' cares about taxes anyway.

The mammogram

I have done lots of tests to prepare for the transplant.  Most are just no big deal, drawing blood, hooking up heart monitors, etc.  Of course, I had to finally get a mammogram yesterday.  When I turned 40 (7 years ago), my doctor and I discussed the mammogram idea.  Since I didn't have a history of breast cancer, and since I regularly checked myself out, we/I decided that we wouldn't discuss it again until I was 45.  At that point, we brought it up again, and I told the doctor that I would do it when I was 46.  I changed doctors in the mean time, and didn't do it.  But now to prepare for the transplant I had to do it.  When I was in there, the lady asked me how I got to 47 without ever having gone to get one.  I responded that I was thrilled I got that far without getting "caught." 

I had heard all sorts of rumors and read all sorts of fun stories about a mammogram.  Not being very well endowed, I couldn't envision what it would even be like.  There isn't anything on my anatomy large enough to place under the car tire.  Little did I know that the nurse would be pulling all the skin on my chest to make it spread out onto a plate and then placing another plate on top to squish it out.  AND not gently.  What the heck?!  Four times!  My guess is that it must hurt a lot for women who have much more "skin" on their chest.  Wowzee, ouch.  I would way rather have a pap smear than a mammogram.  Anyday.

I had a CT scan so the doctors could figure out which kidney they were going to take.  They inject you with a dye.  The injection only lasts about 10 seconds.  And by the way, where does it go after the 10 seconds?  I have no idea.  Anyway, you can feel the injection spread quickly through your body.  When it reaches your privates, they get super hot and it feels like you wet your pants.  Haha.  What a weird feeling.  Luckily they warned me that would happen.  It nearly made me laugh, which would have ruined the CT scan.  Anyway, my left kidney is the one that is up for grabs.

They found an issue with my EKG, so they may do an Echo.  I love all this free health care I am getting.  I hope in the end my health is good enough to donate.  However, if it isn't, at least I know exactly what is wrong with me.  I hope I don't have breast cancer.

Happy Birthday to me!

It started out pretty rough.  Paul was sick with a fever going up and down.  The transplant people were concerned and actually wanted him to go to the emergency room.  My plans for 6 Flags slowly went down the drain.  Saddened, we went to the doctor where they gave Paul a giant shot.  The doctor assured me that he would be OK if I left for the day.  At Paul's insistence I went ahead with my trip to 6 Flags.  What fun!  I got to ride the roller coaster (the Cobra) with Adam and Caleb (well Caleb went with his mom, but we were in line together).  I got to hold Levi lots, to the point of him throwing up on me.  I got to have great conversations with Kyle and Christina. 

I am pretty sure Levi called me Grandma.  I think that would be the best birthday gift I could get.  We were watching the dolphin show.  I don't recall that he even noticed there were dolphins last time we went, but this time, he looked at me and commented, "eh?" everytime the dolphins jumped.  He would even puts his hands up like, "what is this?"  He enjoyed the whole show.  Toward the end he was standing (yes, standing) on his mom's lap watching the show.  He called over to me "grandma" as if to make sure that I was watching.  It was pretty awesome. 

Poor little Adam got sick and threw up 4 times before we got back to the car to go home.  He said during his 2nd episode, "I hate this, it is disgusting."  I would have to agree.  Pretty gross.

On the way home Caleb said, "Hey Grandma, I thought today was your birthday."  I told him that yes, today was my birthday.  Then he proceeded to ask about my presents.  There were no presents, but I could see this would confuse him, so I told him the presents were at my house.  He thought for a second and then asked, "When we get to your house, can I open one of your presents?"  Aw, what a cutie.

My friend, Jill, made me a giant chocolate cake with Reece's Peanut Butter cups cut up on top.  It was wonderful.  I had it in place of a couple of meals.

I had a great birthday!

Not again

I have avoided writing about my random thoughts on what is going on.  I think that I keep thinking if I just ignore it, it will go away.  Not so.  I know better. 

We are looking at likely losing our only source of income.  It has been devastating to the psyche of Paul.  I have fasted a couple of times about it, and don't feel that things are going to turn out bad.  Paul however feels that he won't ever work again. 

We should have known about 1 year ago.  A couple of things happened at work that indicated there was an undercurrent.  Then Paul got sick, and we mostly focused on his health.  When we were getting ready for Paul to get back to work after the transplant, we had a feeling of foreboding. 

I wish we would have planned better.  I wish it wouldn't happen.  But I know that all will be well. . . eventually.

TMI, TMI, TMI

I am doing a 24 hour urine collection.  I started this morning.  For men, they just give you a jug and you just pee in the jug.  For women, it is a two step process, since hitting the top of the jug might be difficult, they give you cups to pee in that can be transferred to the jug.  No problem, right?  Well, except the cups are tiny little Dixie cups.  I knew when I first got them out that they would be too small, and I would need at least 3 of them if not more.  First of all, I have to respond quickly when I have to "go."  I have to do it right then or I might have an accident.

I get settled in and have one cup to the ready in my right hand, two in my left hand, and the jug in front of me on the floor, thinking I could handle the situation.  The pee starts flowing, first cup full, I attempt to stop the flow.  CRAP!  I can't stop it enough, and a quick change to the second cup is awkward due to the limited space.  As I try to maneuver the second cup under the first to not lose anything, the first one tips, and small amounts of urine are lost to the toilet.  Three cups and running urine all in one small area just is not working.  As the second cup begins to fill, the third cup is getting a little because I never had a chance to put it down.  I am trying to still move the first cup out of the way, desperately, I get pee on my  hands, spill it on my leg, on my dress, and on the floor.  Still peeing along the way, I am trying to get the largest sample possible.

I failed my first urine test.  I totally forgot to wipe too.  Next time I will use the big 16 ounce red plastic cups that I have in my kitchen.  What a disaster!

Gratitude

I got a call last night from my friend's wife.  She was so grateful that I was a match and willing to donate.  I felt a little awkward while she thanked me.  It almost seems like it would be better if it wasn't acknowledged.  Not sure why that would be the case.

I am a Match

I found out today that I am a match for my friend at church.  My kidney can save his life.  While I have been through the whole process with my husband as recipient and son as donor, I kind of thought today wouldn't come.

I think since I was quickly ruled out as a donor for my husband, that my kidney would never be acceptable to another person.  However, I thought that I would go ahead and be tested for my friend.  He is too old to be placed on the cadaver donor list and would, therefore, only be eligible for a transplant if he brought his own donor.  I think I thought I would never match.  But at the same time, my heart said I need to be tested anyway.  It only took two weeks, and I only thought a little bit about it during that time.

When I got the results today, I immediately thought, of course, I can't NOT give it.  This is his life.  I can save the life of another human being.  It is a little overwhelming and very humbling. 

Now the process begins, and I hope to get through it quickly, since I start pharmacy school on August 29.  Oh, and my son gets married on August 20.  Oh, and also I don't finish this semester until August 4.  I told the transplant people I want August 5.  I hope we can get it all together.

I go down to San Francisco in 2 weeks to have a battery of tests run.  I hope that my friend can get all his tests done in time too.  It is all very exciting, but scary too.

Why can't a bird have a kitten?

Why is it that...
...when you put something in a specific place so you won't lose it, it isn't there a year later?
...walking on the treadmill makes your thighs itch?
...gray hair is so much more wirey than regular hair?
...sewing makes me swear?
...I miss my mom, but when I call her I can't wait to get off the phone?
...I love studying, but get a sick, sinking feeling when it is time for a test?
...my grandkids are so freakin' cool?
...I love the gospel but hate going to church?
...I don't even like Dots but will go through the whole box in a single sitting?
...every time I dust it looks just as bad the next day, and if that is the case, why is it that. . .
...I even care about the dust?
...it never looks like I clean up beside my bed, even though I do almost every week?
...I cannot lose weight?

Just another frustrating day of success and non-success interwoven into the beautiful pattern that is my life.

Can I get there again?

I read a quote this morning by Bruce R. McConkie.  He said that as we progress and advance and come nearer to God, "There will be a day when [we] will entertain angels, when [we] will see visions, and the final end is to view the face of God."  I've been close.  I have entertained angels.  But I was too chicken.  It scared me, and I prayed it away.  I have looked back on my experience and wished that I hadn't responded as I did.  I hope to one day get close again.  It was an experience like no other.  I probably blew it.  But maybe, just maybe, I can get there again. I will try.

My Favorite Talk

While perusing the internet this morning, I came across this, my favorite conference talk ever.  I wish I could speak so eloquently and let the world know that I too know the Book of Mormon is the word of God.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SC_a_TVH3x4&feature=related

Visiting Teachers

I love my visiting teachers.  They know that it really is all about me.  Sure, Paul and Clayton are going to be doing all the hard work, what with the surgery and all.  But seriously, I will have to sit and wait around and worry about them. 

My visiting teachers are totally aware of the toll this is going to take on me.  So they brought me the biggest bag of goodies I have ever seen.  In it they put a crown, a foam hammer, bubbles, a gossip magazine,  various activity books, crackers, cookies, candy, candy, candy, sharpies.  I had to divide it into two bags to transport it.  Oh the joy.

Clearly, they see the "bigger" picture.

Things that can send you through the roof

Flashing lights on your printer even after you turn it off, wait ten seconds, and then turn it on.
Bills that you thought were paid turn out to be not paid and are now three times a much.
Pounds that pretend to leave and then sneak back in spades.
Feeling pretty and then having someone tell you look like you don't feel well.
Waking up at 5:15 am knowing you could have slept in until 6:00 am.
Overdrafts at the bank.
Dust. Well, only when I actually notice it.

When it rains. . .

It pours.  I am not going to complain.  I am just going to eat a Milky Way and get over it!

A new adventure

And we are off and running.  Finals are around the corner followed by the transplant, followed by a major cram session this summer to finish my last 3 classes followed by blessed pharmacy school, followed by 6 weeks off starting Thanksgiving. Yes folks, that is my next break.  Thanksgiving day through New Years. I cannot wait.  I am pretty sure that Thanksgiving isn't at my house this year.  I am planning now to not cook.  I am planning now to either find somewhere else to eat, or just to not eat and sleep that day.

Ever feel like life is a river and there are parts of the river that roil and boil and rush?  I am looking for some deep waters right now just to be able to pull in the paddles and drift for a while.  Maybe lay my head back and soak up some sun.

So life is good, I am just whining.  In fact, this week, I got to go to bed at 7 pm one night and take a nap on another day.  I got to see a bunch of my grandkids.  I got to go to 6 flags last Friday.  All the food I ate was excellent.  I got As on all my tests.  It's all good.

Check out the pictures

How could I resist posting pictures showing inherited traits.  Dad and Clayton are just like my fruitflies!

The rose---If you know me, you know that I am very project oriented.  I tend to go along through life with blinders on.  When I am focusing on something, I ignore everything around me.  I compartmentalize everything.  Anyway, this morning, I was focused on doing something with the cars.  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed my roses. WOW!  They were so pretty.  I never think about the roses in front of my house, unless they need to be focused on with Afid killer, etc.  Since it is Spring break, I am going to try, for one or two days, to stop and smell the roses.  Then I can get back to focusing on my many projects.

Heredity and Roses

It's medically official. . .

I am not in menopause.  I am not even close to starting menopause.  I am still a youngster, capable of fertilization.  Over my dead body.

On a more exciting note. . . aced the most recent physics test, got an A on my last O chem test.  You heard about my disastrous fruit fly results, still trying to explain that one away.

Ah, and most importantly, it is spring break!

Dialysis

I was thinking this morning about how lucky I am to get to go to dialysis 3 times a week.  I am there from 5:00 am until 9:30 am.  I will say that getting up at 4 am is a bit difficult at times, but since I have to get up, those 4 hours are precious to me.  Sometimes I just use a few of the minutes to surf the web or answer a couple of emails.  But most of the time I spend the time studying.  It is perfect.  Paul usually sleeps through dialysis.  The dialysis techs and nurses are usually too busy to interrupt me.  I am not distracted by food or TV.  It is the best.  So on my list of blessings, I am grateful for dialysis because I get 4 solid hours of studying 3 times a week.  Oh, and not only that, I am grateful for dialysis because it keeps Paul living.  That too.

Fruit Flies

As you know, I have been working on an experiment in Biology involving the mating of fruit flies with various genetic traits to track inheritance and linkages.  I was so thrilled with my little babies (by the way, I killed them all off, finishing the last ones today).  I couldn't wait to get down and dirty in the data and prove that I could run an experiment successfully.  Nevermind that my first 3 lab partners dropped the class.  Nevermind that the 4th lab partner I was assigned (after all the work was done) never comes to class, and when she does, she leaves early.  I am highly suspicious of all their numbers.  But what can I do?  That is the only data I have.  I could lie and make numbers up.  I am sooooo tempted.

Here is sit.  I have personally counted and categorized about 600-700 of them.  The other 300 or so were counted by "others."  I have compiled the data and run Chi-squared statistical analysis on it.  The results. . . wait for it. . . I should reject all my hypothesis.  I feel like running down the street crying, screaming, and pulling my hair out.  How could this happen!!!!?? I can see clearly that my mutants are sex-linked, but the numbers aren't strong enough.  This stupid experiment is worth one-half a test.  RRRRGGGGG.

Anyway, I am having dejavu.  I am sitting in the hospital, Paul is unconscious, and I am worrying about a bunch of dumb, stupid, idiotic fruit flies.

Just 10 more mintes

Please. . . .

We get up at 4 am on dialysis days now.  Three times a week, and it is killing me.  I was just reading an article that states when we mess with our circadian rhythm too much we become candidates for hypertension, cancer, and other various bad bad diseases.

Why?  I thought, "early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise."  Now it just means I am going to get sick.  rrrrggg.

On happier notes, pharmacy school is a go!  August 3rd, I don my smock.

I am starving

Well, in reality, I am not starving.  I am really just sitting here coveting some Chipotle that is being eaten about 2 feet from me.  I got to class early.  Too early.  The class before is still finishing up an exam.  No biggie. Except there is a Chipotle right across the street.  Everyone has it.  It is the best Best BEST smelling stuff every, and I want some.  And I am not hungry.  Just the yumminess of the smell.  It almost enters my nostrils as a liquid.  My cloths will now smell like it.  For the next 3 hours I have to think about not getting to eat it.  How fair is this? Life is so unfair. . . I can't even go get some of my own, because who knows when the door to my class will open.

PS, my baby bugs are snuggled safely in a Christmas gift bag.  All four jars started hatching.  Guess what I am doing today. . . fatally drugging them and counting and categorizing them.

Needing a Break?

I am studying.  Of course.  So I need  break.  None of my favorite bloggers have written in the last couple of days.  So I will write about something utterly fascinating.

I have fruit fly larvae beside my bed.  Hey now, don't be judging!  I have 4 jars of the little buggers.  They are my genetics project for my Cellular and Molecular Biology class.  We are breeding them to see what happens in the second generation.  So when I wake up each morning this weekend, several times throughout the day, and every evening, I have to examine each of the jars.  When one of the little guys is born, I have to mark the date and time on the jar.

Occasionally in my lifetime, I have had the experience of fly larvae, like in my outside trash can.  It is quite possibly one of the most disgusting things that can be observed.  However, I feel differently about these little wormy things.  They are like my little babies.  They are going to open a world of new learning and discovery for me.  So I get out my reading glasses and examine the jars dutifully.  I look forward to the moment one of them turns into a fly.

Facsinating.  I bet you are glad you took a break to check out all your favorite blogs, eh?

So confused

Everyday I review my calendar for the current week.  I try to make sure not to miss appointments or important classes, and I review my school work.  Today I looked at my week.  There is an appointment scheduled this Saturday at 1:30 pm.  It is titled "Take a shower."

Hmmmmm.  First of all, I take a shower most days.  Second of all, I don't take one in the middle of the afternoon, especially on a Saturday.  Not a clue as to why this is there.  Am I really losing my mind?

Good and not so good

Physics 99 - - didn't identify a unit correctly.  Not even a math error, oh well.

Physiology - - um, not an A on the Final, but hopefully an A in the class.  I went in with a 98% over all and the final was 30% of the grade.  We shall see.

But at least I have a little reprieve from testing for a moment.

"Honk if you passed Organic Chemistry"

I am in search of a bumper sticker that says this . . . in anticipation.  Ehem, 104% on the second exam. Yep, the hardest test of my life.  Swiiiiiissssshhhh!

update on my progress

I have been sitting on pins and needles waiting to hear from the pharmacy school about whether I got in or not.  If I don't get in, I will probably spend a day in my room crying.  If I do get in, it will put me and Paul into panic mode and we try to get $40,000 accumulated by July 1 for the first year's tuition.  Man, oh Man! But I just keep plugging along in my studies.  I have 3 tests this week.  As I write, though, two of them are done.  Woo hoo!  I took the hardest test in my life on Monday, in the hardest class of my life. . . Organic Chemistry.  I consider myself relatively intelligent.  In fact, a little smarter than the average population.  Why, then, aren't the rest of the people in the class appearing to have the psyche damage that I am having over this class?!?!  Aren't they struggling as much as me?  This stuff isn't clear.  I spend hours and hours on it at home, memorizing pKa values and mechanisms.  I dream about electrons being pushed around.  Still, I feel a little befuddled every time the teacher talks.  Anyway, I will get the test back today, probably.  I'll post the results.  I took a physics test this morning.  I like physics in that it is like a giant puzzle of numbers and variables and we have to fit them all together to get one result, some beautiful picture.  Last night I was stressing and stayed up pretty late.  Then I prayed hard this morning, still feeling a little unprepared.  The Lord answered my prayers.  Every question on the test I had studied the night before.  SLAM DUNK!  (I better be careful, if I am too cocky, I might just slam flunk it).  Tomorrow is the big one.  I will finish my physiology online class.  Very interesting.  This class kind of made me want to be a doctor.  I am such a prude though.  When I was studying about reproduction, I was embarrassed about the photos in the book and I put a piece of paper over them or my hand, or whatever, so that I didn't have to see those pictures in my peripheral vision.  What a weenie I am!

I have gained about 8 pounds since Paul's health issues started.  RRRRGGGG.  I take off 4 every so often and then just pack them back on by going out to dinner several nights in a row.  BUT the good news is that we have a surgery date for the transplant, May 20.  Right after school lets out.  I have jury duty that week, but hey, I am pretty sure I can get out of that one, since I am the primary care giver. Back to the stupid weight. . . I think I need a brain transplant on this one.  Why the heck can't I just stop eating extra food?  Its like I finish a homework problem--gotta eat; answer an email--gotta eat;  finish dinner -- gotta have dessert; talk on the phone -- gotta eat; go to the bathroom -- gotta eat.  Freak, that I am, I will bemoan my chubby existence at the same time as chewing up a candy bar.  You would think. . . . but I don't.

My house is messy.  No further discussion on that.

I think I am going through menopause.  I think it started last Sunday.  I'll keep you posted on that one.  By the way, I read that if you have really bad hot flashes in the beginning of your menopause that you are less likely to develop cardiac problems later.  Interesting?  Only if you are my age and getting ready to go through the change.

Children and grandchildren.  They are the most awesome of all the things in my world.  Wish I was a better communicator.  I love my kids and their kids.

OH, now this is just getting long.  Good bye.

Raccoon update

He is apparently gone.  I am glad I didn't pay the $175 for the traps and $175 for the removal fee.  It was much cheaper to procrastinate.  I hope he doesn't come back.  And I certainly hope he didn't die in my attic.  Dead animals stink so BAD.  Poor Clayton, who has to do the removal if that is the case. . . he he.

maybe not

I am not a stupid person, but I can't figure out the picture thing, so nevermind.  Wait, ok, I got it.  Too bad this is the picture that I attempted this with. . .

Family get togethers

I might try to add a photo or two.  But it might not work.  Anyway, I must say that I love my family.  We have been blessed to have 4 complete family get togethers in the last 6 months.  Everyone has made the effort to come to whatever function might be happening (even if one of them is the near death of dad).  We have fun times (playing "Oh HeII" which I always lose), we have scary times (particularly the whale watching experience and the truck tipping over thingy on this last trip), and we have moving times (Grandpa Eddie talking with everyone).  Everytime we get together though, I am reminded of how much we really belong together.  I wish the family I grew up with had the same type of bonds that my kids do.

I occasionally email with my brothers, but we don't get together EVER.  In fact, I don't even email some of them.  I have a brother who got divorced in the last year.  I called and left him a message once.  That is it.  Neither of us has taken the time to contact the other and let each other know that we love each other.  In fact, before I finish writing this, I am going to email him (I don't know his phone number). OK, well it appears that I don't have his most current email address either.  I guess I am on a little bit of a hunt.

My Raccoon

I have one.  I am not sure, but I also suspect he lives in my attic.  Sydney hears him all the time running around up there.  Both Paul and Clayton have seen him out in the back yard.  He enjoys BMR and Maribou's food.  I had to start keeping my dog food supply inside the house because the giant raccoon is strong enough to knock over the 50 pound container and get at the food.

The worst part about this bugger is that he walks around on the back porch at night.  He likes to do it around 3 am or so which gets the dogs all excited.  They start to bark and wake me up.  Piss me off!  Truly, I think he dances around right outside the back sliding door until the dog start to bark.

I called animal control.  Everyone said to do that.  Guess what?!!  "City Animal Care does not deal with free roaming wildlife." They told me I had to hire a private company to come out here and help me set a trap to dispose of this beast.  hmmmm.  What if this were a deer?  Or a cougar?  Or a hippo?!

Valentine's day

I got a box of See's candy (caramels, my favorite) and a silver charm bracelet.  I gave 5 car washes and $20 gift certificate to a book store.  .  .  I suck.  But, I am loved.

I wish I knew how to give better, more thoughtful gifts.  I am pretty sure Paul knows I love him.  I certainly know he loves me.  And it isn't because he buys me better gifts, it is the daily things and the way we just fit together that makes me know.  He is awesome.

This posting is one of the reasons my title is "My Random Thoughts."

Hippos

I don't know what it is about hippos and other dangerous animals, but I love to watch these African safari shows.  Hippos are so cool, but apparently the most dangerous animal on the planet with regards to killing people.  Who knew?!  I have never even seen a hippo come close to a human.   You hear about bears killing people in the forests while they are camping.  You hear about the occasional feline escaping from a zoo and mauling people, but never a hippo.  I'm worried, what do I do to prevent a hippo attack?

This posting is sponsored by the National Alarmist Society, of which I am president, VP, treasurer, and sole member.

To Heck with it!

I have gained 7 pounds since Thanksgiving.  It really really really makes me mad, and I think about it all day long, every day.  The solution:  Herbalife shakes in the morning, walking on the treadmill everyday, cut back on food, cut out snacks.

I am very good at the shakes, I am very good at walking, I am even very good on lowering my food intake.  But, dog gone it!  I love candy and sweets.  I think it has to do with menopause.  I am not sure, because I don't think I have started that yet, but who knows.  I have always loved candy.  But for some reason, every day I have to have something, several times a day.  Even if it is just one taffy, one cookie, two starbursts.

Today, I got hungry.  I don't usually let myself get hungry.  In fact, I eat on a regular schedule.  I was on hold for over an hour (no exaggeration, exactly 1 hour and 6 minutes).  My stomach was beginning to digest itself.  So I hung up. . . And went to McDonalds.  I had a small fries and a quarter pounder with cheese.  I didn't even take the extra piece of bread off, like I normally do!  Then, when I got home, I ate the last of the carmel/oatmeal yummy bars that my friend made for me.

It was so incredible, mmmmmmmm, all of it.

Walking!

Yay!  I finally got my treadmill back.  It had been under various layers of mechanical equipment in the garage.  I asked Clayton to please make it available to me 100% of the time. He did!  So I dutifully got up this morning at 6:30 and walked for 25 minutes.  I loved it!  One of my goals this year is to get back into doing 5Ks.  I like to walk them.  I would really love it if Paul decided to join me.  But, you cannot push another person to exercise.  It has to come from within.  Wonder how I can pull that off. . . .

Happy New Year!!

We spent the weekend in San Francisco for New Years.  We had originally planned a cruise, but since there isn't affordable dialysis on cruises yet, we are land-bound.  We had invited several people to join us.  We were so excited when Chris and Emily decided to join us.  They love to go to SF on New Years.  We just sort of horned in on their tradition, but helped out by paying the hotel and babysitting for the fireworks.

I am glad that we have kids that like to spend time with us.  Not all of our kids enjoy us.  We are saddened by that.  In fact, I have been trying to think of ways that will make us less boring.  We used to be the fun parents.  You know, those parents where all the kids' friends wanted to hang out with.  Not so much anymore.  I am sure it has to do with Paul's illnesses as well as my going to school and never being around.

The other day I lied to Sydney and told her that while she was over at Brock's house we went karaoking.  I didn't want to tell her the truth. . . that we stayed home all evening and watched TV.