I am not one to celebrate Christmas big. When I was little, my parents liked to travel on Christmas break. Cancun, Mexico was one of the favorite places, though Jamaica, Mazatlan, and various other warm places were our destinations. We usually got 1 gift, like a piece of jewelry or something along those lines. Oh, we did have some of the regular, open your gifts while it is snowing outside, kind of Christmases.
When I married Paul, we had a major cultural clash. Not that we fought about it, but it was just a major difference in perspective regarding the holiday. As you can guess, he loves everything about the hustle and bustle of Christmas. He looks forward to fighting the crowds on Christmas Eve and over spending on gifts. I deplore shopping to begin with, and Christmas Eve, or even the month leading up to it, are nearly unbearable for me.
I can never figure out how much to give each person, who to give to, and what do you do when you get a gift from someone that you didn't even think of?!? Mostly, it is a stressful holiday. I prefer Thanksgiving. . . hang out with your loved ones, eat, and be thankful. No stress of gift giving. ANYWAY, this year was different.
I don't know why. I don't know how it came about. It could be related to Paul's kidney's failing, but I cannot figure it out. Kyle and Christina put up our village as a gift for us. It is so beautiful. They also got the decorations out, and we bought a new tree. We didn't put the bears on the stairs. It made me sad. I will not forego next year. We found the most awesome sales. We had enough money. The Spirit of Christmas and love seemed to permeate the house and my life in such a wonderful way this year. I even was tempted to put up lights outside the house. Those will be a must next year too! I have a plan. . . a way cool plan for lights. You will just have to wait and see.
This secular celebration of the birth of our Savior came at a time in my life when I needed a little peace and little love. I am so glad I opened my heart this year.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
Mischief
I try to stay out of trouble. I don't go looking for problems. I try to make sure that I won't get my hands caught in the cookie jar. But sometimes, I am with people who think that the edge is the place to walk. One day we were going to take an old TV to the dump. On the way there, we decided to stop at Costco. It's a favorite of ours. We were with one of our girls' boyfriends, I don't recall which one. As we were leaving the parking lot, the idea to get rid of the TV in the Costco trash came up. I thought it was a pretty good idea. But after circling the building, there was clearly no way to do that. THEN the idea came up to leave it in the parking lot. Not just that, but they left it in a Costco shopping cart. In broad daylight! I was mortified, certain we would be caught. I am still wondering if they took fingerprints and are just waiting for a match to be entered into the system.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Kidneys
We don't really think much about our kidneys. I have only thought about mine once. It was when I had just turned 17. I was married and living in an apartment and going to my first semester of college. I remember my parents were out of town. I wasn't feeling well, and it hurt to pee. This didn't mean anything to me. Though, I know now, it is something to be concerned about. Then as I was sitting in class one day, my back hurt so bad. I could barely sit through class. It was one of my most painful days of my life. When I got home, my mom called me on the phone, and I just sobbed to her about the pain in my back. Being the wife of a doctor, she immediately recognized a kidney infection. Oh, the joys of peridium! It works so fast!
I didn't think about it ever again. Until November 5, 2010. Paul had been sick for a while, but we just thought it was a rough flu or possibly even pneumonia. At 3:30 am on that fateful day, I woke up to Paul saying, "I could die, and you would sleep right through it." He was breathing as if he had run a marathon. He couldn't catch his breath. Moving from the chair to the bed was a monumental undertaking. I got up with him and tried to help him. I told him we needed to go to the hospital. He said, no, that we would wait until morning, and he would go to the doctor's office. I pleaded with him, and looking back, I should have just dialed 911. Who knew how close he was to death! Never going back to sleep, I call my sons around 6:30 and tell them to come over that we need to get dad in the car. Paul hadn't stopped the gasping for breath. In fact, he was doing the fish out of water "guppy" breathing. It scared me to death, but he insisted on going to the doctor's office instead of the hospital. It took Chris and Clayton an hour to get him out of bed, down the stairs, and into the car. He was fighting them most of the time. They literally carried him down the stairs because 2 steps was too exhausting for him. By the time it was 9:00 am I got the doctor on the phone who told me to immediately take him to the hospital. I don't speed, but that morning, I speeded to the hospital emergency room.
Within 15 minutes they had him intubated and told us to call the family because he was likely not going to live. It was a desperate few hours as they realized that his kidneys had failed completely. How does a kidney fail, anyway? Before they told us to call the family, I began to realize the seriousness when every nurse who passed me by, took a small moment to lovingly touch my arm or shoulder. They had seen cases like this before, and clearly it wasn't going to be a happy ending. I called my dad, Paul's dad, Jeri, Paul's assistant, the bishop, crying all the time. Chris, Clayton, and Christina were at the hospital and began making the other phone calls. We all went our separate ways into the parking lot sobbing into our phones. My dad asked if I wanted him to fly out. I told him to wait. If Paul was going to die, it would probably be in the next few hours.
There was even a moment in the hospital when one of the doctors asked me about life saving procedures and did I want to continue, or did I want to let him die. WHAT?!?!?! are you kidding me? Let him die??! No way! Where did I get the power to do that? Why would he ask me that? Of course, do everything possible to make him live! And live he did. Unbelievable, but he lived. All the family arrived by that evening. We were a sight in the waiting room. Paul is loved by many people, and it showed in the outpouring we received that day and the days following.
The doctors asked me how long Paul had had kidney problems. Kidney problems? Never. After 12 days in the hospital and a kidney biopsy, we currently undergo dialysis 3 days a week for 3.75 hours each time. The doctors want to add an additional day to that, so soon it will be 4 days a week. We are on the way to getting a transplant. It is a totally new world. I had no idea there were people who had to do this. I see others in the dialysis center. . . the same ones every day. I wonder about their lives. How long have they been doing this? How much longer do they have to live? Most don't look healthy at all. Am I just naive, and think that Paul looks healthier than they look? What am I missing?
Prayer was hard. Church was hard. Faith was hard. Crying was easy. Feeling sorry for myself/Paul was easy. I am glad that as time has gone by (almost 3 months now) that I got my faith back. I am ashamed that I let it go so easily. Not that I lost it totally, but I would have thought in a trial I would have depended more on the Lord. Shame, Shame on me.
I didn't think about it ever again. Until November 5, 2010. Paul had been sick for a while, but we just thought it was a rough flu or possibly even pneumonia. At 3:30 am on that fateful day, I woke up to Paul saying, "I could die, and you would sleep right through it." He was breathing as if he had run a marathon. He couldn't catch his breath. Moving from the chair to the bed was a monumental undertaking. I got up with him and tried to help him. I told him we needed to go to the hospital. He said, no, that we would wait until morning, and he would go to the doctor's office. I pleaded with him, and looking back, I should have just dialed 911. Who knew how close he was to death! Never going back to sleep, I call my sons around 6:30 and tell them to come over that we need to get dad in the car. Paul hadn't stopped the gasping for breath. In fact, he was doing the fish out of water "guppy" breathing. It scared me to death, but he insisted on going to the doctor's office instead of the hospital. It took Chris and Clayton an hour to get him out of bed, down the stairs, and into the car. He was fighting them most of the time. They literally carried him down the stairs because 2 steps was too exhausting for him. By the time it was 9:00 am I got the doctor on the phone who told me to immediately take him to the hospital. I don't speed, but that morning, I speeded to the hospital emergency room.
Within 15 minutes they had him intubated and told us to call the family because he was likely not going to live. It was a desperate few hours as they realized that his kidneys had failed completely. How does a kidney fail, anyway? Before they told us to call the family, I began to realize the seriousness when every nurse who passed me by, took a small moment to lovingly touch my arm or shoulder. They had seen cases like this before, and clearly it wasn't going to be a happy ending. I called my dad, Paul's dad, Jeri, Paul's assistant, the bishop, crying all the time. Chris, Clayton, and Christina were at the hospital and began making the other phone calls. We all went our separate ways into the parking lot sobbing into our phones. My dad asked if I wanted him to fly out. I told him to wait. If Paul was going to die, it would probably be in the next few hours.
There was even a moment in the hospital when one of the doctors asked me about life saving procedures and did I want to continue, or did I want to let him die. WHAT?!?!?! are you kidding me? Let him die??! No way! Where did I get the power to do that? Why would he ask me that? Of course, do everything possible to make him live! And live he did. Unbelievable, but he lived. All the family arrived by that evening. We were a sight in the waiting room. Paul is loved by many people, and it showed in the outpouring we received that day and the days following.
The doctors asked me how long Paul had had kidney problems. Kidney problems? Never. After 12 days in the hospital and a kidney biopsy, we currently undergo dialysis 3 days a week for 3.75 hours each time. The doctors want to add an additional day to that, so soon it will be 4 days a week. We are on the way to getting a transplant. It is a totally new world. I had no idea there were people who had to do this. I see others in the dialysis center. . . the same ones every day. I wonder about their lives. How long have they been doing this? How much longer do they have to live? Most don't look healthy at all. Am I just naive, and think that Paul looks healthier than they look? What am I missing?
Prayer was hard. Church was hard. Faith was hard. Crying was easy. Feeling sorry for myself/Paul was easy. I am glad that as time has gone by (almost 3 months now) that I got my faith back. I am ashamed that I let it go so easily. Not that I lost it totally, but I would have thought in a trial I would have depended more on the Lord. Shame, Shame on me.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Where did November go?
I have several blogs I check everyday. And I get a little perturbed when they aren't updated on a regular basis. Here I sit, realizing that it has been about 3 months from my last post. OH and the events that have happened since then. You would think 3 tiny little months would hardly wreak havoc on someone, but, alas, simply put, my life is upside down. My two youngest children are in love (not with each other, but with significant others), my husband nearly died, I found out I am not nearly as smart as I thought I was, and I haven't lost a single pound.
These things threw me for a loop. I don't even remember November. It started out rough, then took a nosedive. Paul's kidneys failed completely. Had I only known that hiccups and severe itching were a sign of kidney failure, I might have said, "Hey Honey, let's get you to the hospital right away." But instead I silently watched as he began to fail. Not only that, when his kidneys did fail, I waited 6 hours before I forced him to the hospital. Being the daughter of a physician, I should have insisted and gotten him in there. We were blessed. He didn't die. We now have a new challenging world of dialysis and patience while we wait to go through the transplant process. It is a new and exciting adventure. Scary, but exciting.
Look for more posts on the other fun subjects in the NEAR future.
These things threw me for a loop. I don't even remember November. It started out rough, then took a nosedive. Paul's kidneys failed completely. Had I only known that hiccups and severe itching were a sign of kidney failure, I might have said, "Hey Honey, let's get you to the hospital right away." But instead I silently watched as he began to fail. Not only that, when his kidneys did fail, I waited 6 hours before I forced him to the hospital. Being the daughter of a physician, I should have insisted and gotten him in there. We were blessed. He didn't die. We now have a new challenging world of dialysis and patience while we wait to go through the transplant process. It is a new and exciting adventure. Scary, but exciting.
Look for more posts on the other fun subjects in the NEAR future.
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