I have spent the last 3 weeks working as a pharmacist in the ICU. I am not sure what I expected, but I didn't expect the emotional turmoil that I have experienced. First off, everyone is excited to attend their first "code blue." A code blue is when a person basically dies and everyone rushes in and tries to save them, bringing them back to life. I was called to my first code blue today. I was in one part of the ER and the code blue was called. By the time I got there, there were already about 15 people in the room, including the very big nurse doing CPR on the patient. He was doing excellent CPR. By excellent, I mean, he was really pushing down on the man's chest, so much so that his stomach was kind of popping out underneath. They were pushing epinephrine and sodium bicarb for about 10 minutes. They did get a pulse. At one point, I was excited because I could see that he was breathing. However, this elation was quickly replaced with the sickening realization that he was only breathing because the bag on his face was being pumped. I walked away after about 20 minutes, having done nothing, except be prepared to hand someone some phenylephrine. One hour later, as I was sitting at my desk, I heard another code blue called to the same room. I am sure he didn't make it this time. Ugh.
That was the most recent death that I have been exposed to in the last 10 days. They seem to have come in 2 waves. My sweet little naive spirit of "oh life is awesome" is getting some trampling down as I am surrounded by sick people. Some of them die, oh so quickly, within hours of getting septic with an infection. Some take 36 hours, like the young guy after a stroke. Everyone thought he had overdosed or drank too much. Turns out he just had a stroke, he had a completely clean tox screen. Some of them moan right before death. And then there is the one who lingers. She has been there for 80+ days, infection after infection, with no family that anyone has seen. As a pharmacist, I get to work on their medications while they are in the ICU. I become attached to some of the, quietly rooting for them, hoping their bodies can fight off the ailments that brought them there.
So, I have seen another side of pharmacy. Definitely not what most people think a pharmacist experiences.
